Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
