Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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