the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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