Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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