woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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