I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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