KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
