I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
