The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
