I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
