soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
