I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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