it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize