fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
