She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
