Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
