I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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