its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
