Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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