The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
