Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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