the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
