my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
