So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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