An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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