I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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