kristin has been a bad kristin
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
