Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
