question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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