Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
