We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
