This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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