I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
