also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
