The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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