We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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