So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
