I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
