i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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