batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
