You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
