last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
