its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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