I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
