I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Someone came in the potted fern
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
