I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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