oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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