Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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