You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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