ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
