Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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