Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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