He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
