Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
