i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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