I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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