After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize