I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
