and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
