One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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