I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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