i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
