Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
