i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
