I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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