I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
