I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
