An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
