Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
