Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize