Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
