mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Barsexuality is the new black.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
