I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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