i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
