Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
