I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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