seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
