It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
