someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
