im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
