Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
