Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
