fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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