Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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