i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
